Disappearing Silver
by BlaiddGwyn
Summary: my first ever fan fic! Cassie comes to terms with her feelings for Adam and Nick.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My first fan fic so hope you like it :)**

It's going, very slowly, but bit by bit the silver cord that liked Adam and I together is disappearing. I couldn't say that I don't love him anymore because I do; I love him with all my heart just not in the same way anymore. I love Adam as if he was my brother not my soul mate.

He feels the same way too; I can see it in his eyes as much as I'm sure he can see it in mine. When we kiss we both feel that the sparks aren't there anymore. I have noticed something else as well, the way Adam looks at Diana. It's the way he used to look at me and me him. He thinks I don't notice but it is obvious he is still in love with her.

A few months ago this would have hurt, but now I just don't seem to be reacting with those feelings. I do not react because I look at someone else like that too, someone that isn't Adam.

I look at Nick like that; I am in love with Nick as much as I was in love with Adam, maybe more. I think about him every waking moment of the day, even dream about him sometimes. It pains me to look at his expression when he sees me with Adam. I can't say anything though because I ruined our chance to be together long ago. I chose Adam over him and I'm sure he hates me for it. I hate me for it, for breaking his heart and causing him so much pain. But just sometimes I wish he knew how I felt now.


	2. Chapter 2

Last night Adam and I broke up. We both finally admitted to each other that things just weren't the same anymore, that we were no longer in love. He told me that he was in love with Diana and I managed to tell him my feelings for Nick. We then both agreed that it was best if we broke up and got with the people who we loved. That is easy for him, there is no doubt Diana will take him back but Nick having me on the other hand seems near enough impossible.

I don't think I would even be able to tell him that I love him, that he occupies every thought that crosses my mind. I am so afraid of how he would react if I ever told him so afraid that he will hate me more than he already does. Although I know that I deserve any feelings of hatred he directs at me, after all I hurt him so he has a right to hate me. It just hurts me so much to know, to know that we can never be together because I ruined our chance.

I wish that I could just go back in time and undo everything that I did which caused him pain. Undo me breaking up with him for Adam, the boy that I later learned I only loved as a brother. I love nick so much yet so far I seem to have only done things that hurt him and left an emotional sting. If only he knew the thoughts i was thinking.


	3. Chapter 3

Every day I feel like I am getting further and further away from Nick. The only thing that has kept me sane is the memory of his face when Adam and I told the circle about our break up. Remembering the slight lifting of pain and the small flicker of relief has been my sole grounding.

It pains me to see Diana and Adam together every day, Not out of jealousy, no I couldn't be happier for them, it's just knowing the I could have been like that with Nick if I hadn't been so stupid and ruined it.

Last night I saw a shooting star. I decided to make a wish. I wished that somehow Nick would stop hating me and we could be together at last. But I know it won't come true, things like that never come true whether you're a witch or not. It doesn't hurt to hope though does it?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So sorry I haven't updated in ages! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own secret circle.**

Every time I see her I feel my soul cripple over in all types of pain. It's been going on like this since she dumped me for Conant, only lifting slightly when I found out that they had split. But at the moment just the mere sight of Cassie makes me feel like a ton of bricks have been dumped on my chest because I know I can't have her. It annoys me to know that even though Cassie doesn't love Adam anymore, there is no way on earth that she would love me.

We have a circle meeting tonight; I don't even know why I need to go, nobody wants me there and I certainly don't want to be there, all of this magic and stuff is just not worth being put through so pain from seeing Cassie and annoyance from Conant.

I just realised, why am I even thinking all of this stuff anyway? It's like I'm having a conversation inside my head with myself. I hate it.


End file.
